People know me for my humour, sarcastic , and happy life. God, they just know that, the other side of me screaming inside, wanting me to express all that i've been kept deep down and burried, lock and sealed.
For the past 11 years, I've been a joker for the rest of my fucking fake life. Family, friends, love or work, people around me never knew the other side of me. For god sake, I've put a fake smile long enough untill I can fall apart and break into dust. I used to be the one who never knew what the word hurt and pain means. Until I realize I've already stepping inside the murky water of my tears and it's killing me inside. Used to think about other's feeling than mine.
The Grief I held inside is poison. The act of grieving is about releasing the toxic thoughts and physical rafimications of these thoughts. Faking it, smiling when I could split apart in pain and or pretending I do not care is not fooling my organs. Get the pent up rage, despair, guilt or envy out of me. I guess this is the only way I can heal and create a honest and sincere smile on my face.
to be continued...
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Other Side Part 2 : Missing Someone is Hurt
Things looking Bleak?
When milestone days approach, a holiday , a birthday or deathday, do your emotions tumble downhill as you struggle with lonely, depressing efforts to hold your feelings? is the one you really want with someone else, or did he or she pass away, yet you hunger and yearn from whom is missing?
Or its hurt when you miss someone you really love? It's hurt you the most when you miss him or her, untill you can even think straight?
When milestone days approach, a holiday , a birthday or deathday, do your emotions tumble downhill as you struggle with lonely, depressing efforts to hold your feelings? is the one you really want with someone else, or did he or she pass away, yet you hunger and yearn from whom is missing?
Or its hurt when you miss someone you really love? It's hurt you the most when you miss him or her, untill you can even think straight?
The Other Side Part 1 : Other side of this life
25th May 2009
2 21 am
i wake up from a nightmare, put my cold feet on the floor. Walking towards my computer and share this experience of the other side of our life..
If we only knew what on the Other Side Of This Life!!Knowing for sure what lies ahead might make a different in how we see dying and aging and how we handle the death of the loved one.
Much of our fear of death is rooted in delusions and distorted way of looking at life and world around us. Generally, our fear of death is unrealisic fear. Perhaps the best way to overcome the fear of death is to remember that our present physical life had a beginning. There was a time when we not on earth in these physical body and there will be a time when we shall return to a non-physical state of being. The rational minds have a difficulty believing that other than the third dimension world of space and time in which currently live could possibly exist.
There are no seperation between physical and non-physical realms. The seperation seems real because there is a thin veil (our skin and body) between the two realms dims our abbility to interact with those in other dimensions. But more than the physical seperation, we limit ourselves experience life. The belief hinders us from accepting what our inner knowing tells us is true. we are multi-sensory spritual creatures able to sense the presence and energy of non-physical beings. We also exist in other dimentions besides this 3-D earth plane. Havent you ever dream that was so intense, you couldnt believe it was just a dream??
What do you believe about the AfterLife?? are you afraid of dying? those who have a near-death experience report there is no judgement-only loves in the afterlife. Even those who had negative experience in the episode, come back and changed and more of their purpose of being here.
2 21 am
i wake up from a nightmare, put my cold feet on the floor. Walking towards my computer and share this experience of the other side of our life..
If we only knew what on the Other Side Of This Life!!Knowing for sure what lies ahead might make a different in how we see dying and aging and how we handle the death of the loved one.
Much of our fear of death is rooted in delusions and distorted way of looking at life and world around us. Generally, our fear of death is unrealisic fear. Perhaps the best way to overcome the fear of death is to remember that our present physical life had a beginning. There was a time when we not on earth in these physical body and there will be a time when we shall return to a non-physical state of being. The rational minds have a difficulty believing that other than the third dimension world of space and time in which currently live could possibly exist.
There are no seperation between physical and non-physical realms. The seperation seems real because there is a thin veil (our skin and body) between the two realms dims our abbility to interact with those in other dimensions. But more than the physical seperation, we limit ourselves experience life. The belief hinders us from accepting what our inner knowing tells us is true. we are multi-sensory spritual creatures able to sense the presence and energy of non-physical beings. We also exist in other dimentions besides this 3-D earth plane. Havent you ever dream that was so intense, you couldnt believe it was just a dream??
What do you believe about the AfterLife?? are you afraid of dying? those who have a near-death experience report there is no judgement-only loves in the afterlife. Even those who had negative experience in the episode, come back and changed and more of their purpose of being here.
The Good Side Part 1 : finding True love
Finding true love is important. Having someone in your life that you felt is meant to be there,person you can enjoy your time with and share your feeling is a rare thing that not everyone gets to experience in their life. That's why we used to heard one says " True love is like a ghost " . Many talk and know about it but never see it . But you are different. You can get to have a special bond when u know what to do in order to find true love.
One of that thing you have to remember is that you have to really believe that not only this can be done, but have the ability to do it yourself. You can attract what you want in your life. Getting out and meet new people is an important part of the process. And order to do this, you have to have self-confidence to know what you are worthy of finding a relationship that makes you feel like you have found your true love.
You have to know what you are able to attract the kind of person you are looking for, but you also have to be open to this as well. If you do found that person and do not allowed yourself to be open, you will not experience the results you want to have.
Have faith and confidence in yourself and allow yourself to be open to the idea of finding true love. It can and will happen and letting yourself be open to the idea of this is the start.
One of that thing you have to remember is that you have to really believe that not only this can be done, but have the ability to do it yourself. You can attract what you want in your life. Getting out and meet new people is an important part of the process. And order to do this, you have to have self-confidence to know what you are worthy of finding a relationship that makes you feel like you have found your true love.
You have to know what you are able to attract the kind of person you are looking for, but you also have to be open to this as well. If you do found that person and do not allowed yourself to be open, you will not experience the results you want to have.
Have faith and confidence in yourself and allow yourself to be open to the idea of finding true love. It can and will happen and letting yourself be open to the idea of this is the start.
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