Monday, May 25, 2009

Rocking Step : The Dark Side Of Me

People know me for my humour, sarcastic , and happy life. God, they just know that, the other side of me screaming inside, wanting me to express all that i've been kept deep down and burried, lock and sealed.

For the past 11 years, I've been a joker for the rest of my fucking fake life. Family, friends, love or work, people around me never knew the other side of me. For god sake, I've put a fake smile long enough untill I can fall apart and break into dust. I used to be the one who never knew what the word hurt and pain means. Until I realize I've already stepping inside the murky water of my tears and it's killing me inside. Used to think about other's feeling than mine.

The Grief I held inside is poison. The act of grieving is about releasing the toxic thoughts and physical rafimications of these thoughts. Faking it, smiling when I could split apart in pain and or pretending I do not care is not fooling my organs. Get the pent up rage, despair, guilt or envy out of me. I guess this is the only way I can heal and create a honest and sincere smile on my face.

to be continued...


  1. haha. because i've always enjoyed calling you mimi. :DD